Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
