new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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