By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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