apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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