hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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