Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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