Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
