I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
