with your own penis?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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