I wanna passion pit in your ass
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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