I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
