Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize