I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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