i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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