She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
