Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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