Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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