im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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