I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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