he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
