He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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