i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
