sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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