What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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