Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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