You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
