I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she looked like the before picture.
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bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize