Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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