remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
