I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
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Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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