dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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