Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize