what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
