If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
