I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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