quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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