I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
