My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
