So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
