I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
love makes seman taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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