im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
