There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am available for nakedness
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
