You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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