i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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