She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
