she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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