**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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