o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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