Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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