so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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